Monday, October 31, 2011
after the rain has gone
the rain showed up this weekend with fervent determination to pour and pour over my town. i have to say i enjoyed it. i spent most of the day saturday with great friends. and as the rain progressed and the day turned into night, i wearied with the added stress of running errands while it rained so hard. but the day's joy picked up once we out-smarted ms. rain with boots to splash on the puddles it left behind. i wouldnt have it any other way, i must add.
and today, there's no rain, for now at least, but what seems like a silent and peaceful sun peeking through the window. calm day as can be. the storm has ceased.
and with the calmness of the day i now sit sipping on coffee. playing with my hair. resminicing on the past few days and activities. and i feel new. refreshed. often tortured by my desire to be done and changed, quickly. but hopeful to see the effects of a life under god's microscope. and nothing beats that embrace. nothing makes me more secure as a woman than knowing that all my mess ups, tears and bitter words come together for a good purpose. to make me a glorious testimony of his love. and to use me as tool to change this world one person at a time. who knows, which way he'll have it, but as long as jesus is in it, i want it.
and as these moments bring about this new long-awaited transformation, i find more strength to accept the new, more strength to forget the old, and more strength to be brutally honest with others and myself. the brutally honest part still needs adjustment. but this is all a blessed accomplishment leading me to goals i hardly knew i had. thinking of heading back to school. making new music. picking up an instrument. considering future plans. mission trips. development work. yearning to be in the kitchen more. seeking to please my lord and be more like him. and looking forward to that one day when i'll finallysay we did this. jesus and i.
and with these thoughts, and after long days of rain, i conclude that not every storm carries with it heavy rain and strong winds. some do and when they arrive they come through, do some damage and leave you with a broken structure to rebuild. and in that rebuilding, new and better things are usually brewed. and although that which was broken was loved and often missed, the new that has come is oh so sweet.
soon real soon, i am coming through as sweet as can be.