favorite movie quote - the help

if every little girl in the world would hear this when growing up it would make the greatest difference in their life. this coming from a woman who heard so much negative comments i growing up. some parents, unfortunately, don't know any better, and with their words, curse their daughters to futures of low self-esteem and possibly self-loathing.

have you been a victim of such word abuse?

you know if one thing i learn in these years of life, is that you have a choice of how you react to things and you have a choice as to how you let something cling to you. you don't have to still hold on to those thoughts or those words that brought you down. you don't have to feel inferior. you are who you are and you are important. you don't have to regret that years that you thought wrong, but start from fresh today and you will feel like all those years were not wasted but rather part of the plan.

today is the beginning of the season of blooming flowers and some rain showers.

let your spirit and soul bloom into the beauty that it was meant to enjoy. the true beauty that it was meant to express. 

let the words of Abilene stay with you and never leave you:

"you is kind, you is smart, you is important" 

you are what you say 
(declare with your mouth)
and what you believe you are 
(what you think & let others make you think)


and most importantly never forget you are worth the blood of Christ

"the crown of creation"

i read that when god created women, we are like the crown of creation and that we are wondefully gifted creatures. there's so much we can do... we are beautiful, multi-taskers, and a man needs us. woman means great help (as i recall), we are their perfect help. and that was so encouraging to me to learn that potential and how it became distorted after the fall. women became instead of the help for the man, demanding, controlling, naggers... and some even losing their femininity. and because of the fall women also lost their worth or the understanding of their worth,

and that need for affirmation was made in their hearts.

as women it is natural of us to desired to be loved, but only the lord god can bring that affirmation and so women, we get lost if we didnt receive that care and affirmation in our childhood/adolescent years, 

and later are desperately seeking that in men or other things.

and i also learned that jesus longs to fill that void,

that he is desperate to be that lover for us.

the bible speaks of our relationship with jesus in different levels of relationship.

like father to child, like master to servant, like groom and wife.

and the latter is the best and most intimate,

that he loves us in that level and wants to spend time with us as husband to a wife knocks me off my feet. he cares enough for us to want to meet even those longings in our heart. that realization reached deep for me, to know that his love goes so deep that he can really meet every necessity in our hearts, it blows me away.

and not only that, but that fact that

he wants to romance us like a man romances a woman, he is passionate for us,

he is in a desperate pursuit for our attention...

and when we come to fall in love with him, fall for him as our husband, something awakens in us,

 that dependence on him, that love, that beauty, that joy...

because when we let him love on us like that, our true beauty and feminity awakens.

there's no better feeling than being romanced by the lover of my soul, jesus.

where are you in this stage? have you been able to let jesus love you like no other can?

sometimes, this may transcribe as only single women need to have this total dependence on jesus,

but from what im learning, a woman will not be able to be successful in her marriage if she doesnt find her fulfillment and identity in christ first.

and only he can affirm us, make us feel loved, beautiful, worth it

in a way that would change us forever...

this something i am living and learning and putting to practice...

i would love to hear how others have come to full acceptance of themselves in christ.

ps: two things to check out that have helped me in this process:

1. this book. -- most of my thoughts here, come from here. this book has helped change me.

2. this blog. -- read the whole thing, start from day one, seriously, you'll see why i couldnt stop reading it.

the season of cheer

december has arrived.

i felt him this morning as the chill touch of his embrace creeped in through my sheets.

it was surprising that his arrival would be this sweet and breezy and cool.

and like no other year december's cheer has captured my heart.



and now that december is here, i can't wait for lattes,

hot cocoa,

more family loving

(well i'll give it my best shot)

and gifts of love.

a year ago i was afraid of the end

desperate

almost sad at myself because i couldnt live the moment

i was struggling to end

but i remember today how the promise of a great 2011 came to me

and i was so ready to take on the new year that i forgot to enjoy last december

i couldnt have with all the doubt, insecurities and frustrations of 300+ days

that i had lived as a woman unlike my real self.

but there's truly something special about this year

and what it has meant to me

and there's something special about this december

because although it signals the ending of an amazing, difficult, rewarding year

it also brings with it an air, a feel of the new dawn that awaits me

the minute 2012 arrives

and im ready to meet the new year

with its new challenges, sunny and rainy days

i will walk it confidently with

all the lessons learned, my new sense of appreciation for the beauty within

 and an attitude of healing as i search my heart

and come to my true identity as a woman

a woman of high value because of the cross

there's no better way to begin the end

than with a new found love and acceptance

for this woman

that i've just discovered inside of me

and im ready to receive and give the cheer of the season around me

as well as the season in my heart.

are you excited this december?

on the climb

over the weekend i decided on a little risk and got highlights.
you'd think that such decision wouldnt require much deliberation, but to me any risk is often too big.

i was nervous to the core to attempt such changing process in my hair. thoughts of how it would turn out, how i would feel after and other things, all became part of my second-guessing game. which i play often.

i made the choice. sat on the chair. sucked in the smell of ammonia. and had the process done. i knew once she started to lighten, there was no turning back. and for a moment i was happy there. i was glad that there was no way i could go back after that. it was almost like my soul came to rest, although my mind kept itself busy with concerns about the results.

and i thought to myself, why is that first step so difficult to make? why is that little moment in the unknown so difficult to take in? why am i so afraid to live?

every little girl dreams of being a princess. most little girls twirl in their dresses, wear bows and love pink. they love feeling beautiful and special. they love hearing daddy's voice assuring them of their value, their worth. every little girl grows into a woman with those same desires of feeling loved. being affirmed in her beauty and being held in a lovers arm.

its how we were created.

but the story is never that perfect. some little girls, lack daddy in their life, or if he is present, he is emotionally absent. in some cases daddy never learned growing up the importance of tender affection, but only heard words of how unworthy and how insufficient he was. and unfortunately this transcends to how he loves on his children. making that poor little girl feel unloved, never enough. leaving her with an unquenchable desire to be worth it and loved.

and that desire for love and acceptance follows a little girl to her womanhood, unless she meets a man named jesus, who paid the price for her and loves her unconditionally.

and even still with him by her side, young women and old struggle with their worth, leaving them tainted and often afraid to live, afraid to take risks.

i've been there. and i know what is like to yearn my daddys love and my daddy's affimartion even after all these years of him knowing me. sometimes, he doesnt get it, he doesnt see that his words burn like fire and shatter me. but i understand him. he didnt learn any better. and although, my worth is in Christ, i still desire to be again his little princess, twirl in my dresses and hear him say that im the prettiest little girl he has ever seen.

through a greater love than i can ever describe, i've learn to love the one i am and i am progressively making myself pleasing to my king. i've ceased fighting to please my earthly father. i may never hear the words, and even if i did, they dont define me. although he may never utter it, i know he is proud, although he may struggle to admit it, he finds me beautiful and he would give his life for me.

his silence has become enough reassurance. and my heavenly father's utterings into my ear of how precious i am to him, fuel me everyday. and i know that i can be that little girl who is now a woman, precious and worth more than she can yet comprehend. free at last, to take risks, jump hurdles, and live. yes, live.

beauty is fleeting... but a ♥ surrendered is eternally gleaming

I find a delight in getting ready each morning. There are days when things just flow and work gracefully in an outfit. And there’s this joy in my heart, this smile in my face, when I manage to do that. It’s like the icing on top of my favorite cupcake. Hmm. Then I stare at my face and see how in so many years, I’ve learned to appreciate this woman staring back at me. I see past the blemishes. I put on my make-up. I make sure to flatter her. She smiles back at me and promises to walk the day confidently. Flawlessly. Then my hair bounces back at me. Making its noticeable appearance in this reflection. Dark and bright it shines back at me. I’m surprised at how much I  cherish it. I once rejected it. But now it’s fulfilling. Careless. Freeing. The whole look works gently. Confidence beaming. I walk out to the world ready to beat it. Smiling secretly inside myself.

And then I think back to that sorrowful woman who once used to stare back. She’s gone through some changes. She’s not the same I just saw smiling confidently back. Her eyes were saddened. She was feeling disguised. She hid under despair, insecurities and lies. She felt ugly, no wonder she couldn’t shine. Darkness she let surround her, although the light fought to shine. She couldn’t see past the blemishes and appreciate the glam. The beauty that was growing within her, which made her special and wise. It took a greater love to reveal it. A greater might to transform, that woman whose hope was fleeting but whose grace had grown. She was scared to break loose, to let go of past chains and dislikes. But a love so great overcame her and made her realize. No matter how hard she try to cover the scars with make-up, clothes, and fake laughs, the reflection would be unsightly until she accepted she needed to let the old woman die. She let go and believed. She strongly jumped to the light. Finding herself free. Beautifully saved. At last.

Today that woman is me. Walking confidently towards my dream. After having defeated the things, insecurities that tried to stop me. It’s still a battle to fight, but a war that has been won. As Paul said,

“Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own… I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” Phil. 3:12-14

Remember … it’s not about what’s on the outside, but what’s inside... and keep this in mind: “charm is deceitful, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Prov. 31:30