a few lessons learned in the past few weeks have taught me that i am my own worst enemy or my biggest cheerleader. i  chose the latter.

there's no better thing than to walk in freedom. just to throw away the thoughts, put down the shackles and convince yourself that it will be ok. that you dont need to beat yourself up for hoping for something you didnt get. or for trying something that didnt work. for taking a step that failed and now you are stuck. or for giving your heart to the wrong gal or guy and now you realize it was a mistake. you are left broken and done. it's alright.

you know, it's even ok if you just cry a few tears. laugh a little. and move on.

this song almost brought me to tears this morning. as i realized how blessed i am. and how many people are struggling, real deal struggles. i am blessed. and i want to just smile.

because my healer lives...

life is about...

silliness :)

hanging on a greater hope.
spending hours in your parked car, laughing hysterically with friends
mending broken hearts by offering sincere apologies
leaving freer because of said apologies
doing the best to love those you love freely, selflessly
enjoying saturdays at home,
watching a favorite show, reading a dear book, sipping coffee
learning & doing little things to uplift others, it has a way of reciprocating
soaking the beauty of others & letting it make you better
and mostly, learning to love the person we are, good & bad

here's to a new week.

can you handle another kitty picture?

that was yesterday.
and.this.is.today.

now. joking aside.

this is my power thought of the week.
there's no greater encouragement, no greater weapon, no greater stregnth than knowing that god is with us and fights for us. we know that even though we walk through the valleys we have the assurance that he will get us to the mountain tops.
his love is amazing. 

i will get there soon enough

the best part of growing up is growing up.
you see, there's a certain feeling after one finishes the upward walk to what seems like a never-ending staircase. relief. then suddenly, a conclusion. i made it, i am new. different.

and that feeling of "i've grown up", makes growing up a bitter-sweet commodity.
a challenge that deems us knights in shining armor, princesses that have been rescued.
royalty.

in all honesty, some days i feel at the bottom of the staircase and others well beyond the halfway mark. and it feels discouraging at times, but i tend to take some steps back. accidentally. purposely. it's just that the journey is difficult, and often tiring. becoming a woman of worth, strength and inner beauty, takes all the energy i have. all my efforts. and really there is where i fail. where we fail. fighting with my own strength only gets me so far before i am weary and ready to retire.

here's where i know that only a greater hope, greater power, can sustain me through the hours of tired calfs, heavy lifting, short breaths and panting as i walk the journey to freedom.

the encouraging thing is that victories can occur daily or weekly in this journey. today it's making it to monday, getting through the first week of the year and lifting up prayers of commitment to the will (though unknown to me) of the father.

a pleasant farewell

with a simple but yet beautiful sunrise (see above), i began the journey of 2011. with great expectations and wonderful promises, i took on the challenge of walking the uncharted territories of the new year. with time i learned that just as the lord told me through Ecclesiastes 9:11, this was my year of opportunity.

when we think of opportunity, it may sound as if it's always a positive, fun, bewildering chance to do something amazing, for our own good. And many times this is the case, but it can also depict a chance, a moment, a season, a few minutes of suffering, for an amazing result. i perhaps did not assume that the lord intended suffering when he spoke of opportunity, but nonetheless, as i walked through the seasons of 2011 i experienced perfect days of balanced cool and sunlight, and those of heavy rains, hail and persistent wind. sometimes for days at a time. and although i could not always explain it, many times it felt like it was raining while the sun was still shining. a perfect combination of amazing result and fervent suffering.

my land of opportunity, 2011, will cease to exist at the strike of midnight, but the lasting changes caused by each experience it afforded me has only begun its course in my life. nothing that i endured, celebrated or cried for is wasted matter, rather all of it has come together to make this puzzle complete, to give sense and sensibility to what it means to grow in character and worth.

i would not change any of it, even the most fearful and trying moments because i look back today and see that the young girl who started this path, 365 days ago, was merely just an infant in comparison to the woman of faith, worth and love she is today.

with much enthusiasm i wait for 2012, unafraid and rejoicing for the chance of new experiences and the opportunity to grow an inch or two. but most importantly i look forward to great discoveries, amazing stories, great novels and books to read, passionate experiences with my lord and victories over battles. i'm ready.

happy new year friends and thank you so much for walking beside me, by way of this blog, throughout 2011. i hope you'll stick around in the new year and inspire me some more as i grow, endure and overcome.

lots of glam, food and family fun coming up and i cant wait

1,2,3,

this weekend im spending it with my family for the holidays. and im really excited to see my daddy, cook with him, walk with him in the mornings, and mostly chat about everything. that's always something i've enjoyed about my dad, converstations. he is really open for a father, and i somehow feel like i get to give him so food for thought (or advice). he is the one who teaches me the cool family recipes that i want to carry with me in my heart (and a little book). he is gonna let me cook with him this christmas eve and i cant wait. in case you may not know, hispanics celebrate, make a big dinner, party, dance and usually open presents on christmas eve. im not sure where that began, but latin families get together on the eve of christmas for festivities. we tend to open gifts at midnight, now that we are all older girls. it's much more exciting. and then we sleep in christmas day.

this christmas will be a special one. my twin sisters are moving on their own after the holidays and well im already away so this year we will make it one to remember. family and friends are joining us. and us latins, make christmas eve a dress up party. hence the outfit ideas on this post. it's funny how that happens, even if we are at home, everyone has to dress up, look their best, and take pictures by the over stuffed christmas tree (by over stuffed i mean in decorations and gifts). gotta love my parents.

in case you are not sure what to wear for the events you'll have with your family this year, i hope these help.

counting the days :)

the future is not so far after all

since college i've been sort of still as far as academically speaking. although i've been a working girl. working with missions organizations (non-profits) has opened sooooo many doors for me in terms of spiritual growth and as a career woman. and a woman dreaming of a full time ministry someday.


i graduated as a journalist. i was convinced for most of my college years that i wanted to be writing great articles for major newspapers. and god honored my hardwork and got me a huge internship and then work in the biggest paper in our city. i really enjoyed it. i grew a ton, faced fears head on and felt blessed. after graduation, i knew somehow, that breaking news (car accidents, disputes, deaths, etc.) was not my thing. it was a tough realization and a hard decision to make,  but i quit. and i remained faithful at the job i was doing at a missions org. (yes, i was working  2 jobs while going to college).


fast forward, 6+ years of mission work under my belt, i am moving and feeling led to development work in third world countries. no im not a missionary, but i wouldnt mind being one and would love going to serve on the ground. for the last year i've work as a program manager, kinda like the girl that leads the missionaries from the office. this has been one of the most difficult jobs ive had (and i thought my retail years were bad) but it has also been the most rewarding and the best part of my resume. really. i am in a place where i can say i love what i do and the impact on people. and everyday god instills a greater passion for helping others.


there's no better part of my day than reading about the people we get to help everyday to have a better life. after some training, meetings, discipleship and more, they are empowered to make their lives better and all they can say is "they never knew they had such potential" and they thank god that they had the opportunity to help others. as part of our approach, we prepare them to help others, as in those who are even more disadvantaged than they are, and to teach others skills they've learned. it's an impressive network. these church leaders, moms, wives, widows, are all a big impact in their society and in my life. little do they know what they have caused in me.


god uses everything for good. paul was so right when he stated it in romans. this year has been full of those blessings that started tough, challenging, difficult, but after i endured (as best as i could without too much whining) i'm beginning to see results. good results.


this year, i recorded an album, visited many churches  presenting it, felt soo much love from my church fam, and my own family like never before, and the people that have heard our music and beyond.


and as i sit here, evaluating what was and what now is because of the path i took, i know that there is so much more to do and that a new level, a new call if you may, is at the wake of dawn, it's coming soon.


i would love your prayers as i consider going back to school and getting a masters in sustainable development. it's a huge step. i need the lord's guidance and provision. and i need the right program. and i need time and dedication do that while still doing everything else i do.

i thank you in advance for your prayers and support.

making it count

i love to do what I do. and every time a little girl like her comes to greet me after a worship service, i know that this is something so worthwhile and something i wouldn't mind doing forever. sometimes it's difficult getting up early and getting ready and rehearsing songs for hours, and sitting in the back of the church with a nice poster of jp and i. but when someone's life is touched, when someone feels changed by something God used in our music or worship or words, it makes it all worth it. knowing that we are doing just what the lord wanted us to be doing makes it all worth it. really.

are you where you need to be in your life? are you in the center of what you have been called to do?

as the year comes to a close some people start pondering on what their past year and inevitably some feel as their days have gone to waste. maybe things didnt work out as planned. maybe tragedies and storms or trials didnt help you reach your highest potential. all these things could have happened, but you know, we have a choice how we see today.

my year has not been all pretty roses. it's been a challenging year as well as one of wonderful opportunities. many things went well and others, failed. but i've chosen to enjoy all of it. to see it all as my ticket to growth and a new level of joy in the Lord. i am practicing lately that i have the choice of how i feel and how i react to my life now and even the life that has passed. you too have a choice on how you enjoy the rest of this year. and we have a choice of making it count.

my pastor says, it's not so much about how you started, but how you finish.

keep running, and finish well.

the season of cheer

december has arrived.

i felt him this morning as the chill touch of his embrace creeped in through my sheets.

it was surprising that his arrival would be this sweet and breezy and cool.

and like no other year december's cheer has captured my heart.



and now that december is here, i can't wait for lattes,

hot cocoa,

more family loving

(well i'll give it my best shot)

and gifts of love.

a year ago i was afraid of the end

desperate

almost sad at myself because i couldnt live the moment

i was struggling to end

but i remember today how the promise of a great 2011 came to me

and i was so ready to take on the new year that i forgot to enjoy last december

i couldnt have with all the doubt, insecurities and frustrations of 300+ days

that i had lived as a woman unlike my real self.

but there's truly something special about this year

and what it has meant to me

and there's something special about this december

because although it signals the ending of an amazing, difficult, rewarding year

it also brings with it an air, a feel of the new dawn that awaits me

the minute 2012 arrives

and im ready to meet the new year

with its new challenges, sunny and rainy days

i will walk it confidently with

all the lessons learned, my new sense of appreciation for the beauty within

 and an attitude of healing as i search my heart

and come to my true identity as a woman

a woman of high value because of the cross

there's no better way to begin the end

than with a new found love and acceptance

for this woman

that i've just discovered inside of me

and im ready to receive and give the cheer of the season around me

as well as the season in my heart.

are you excited this december?

my take on 11.11.11. and a video.

quito, ecuador. not my side of town, unfortunately.

its such a beautiful day on this side of town. and im a thrilled to enjoy the  weather and the great company. im driving north to spend time with my family and i cant wait to see my girls. my sisters. my dad. and stepmom. 

to celebrate the spectacle that is 11.11.11 i want to share 11 things that i love, am learning about or just cant live without.

1. family is really important. 

my sister rocio. the youngest one.

today, i know that family are those who are always there for you no matter what. friends have left me. friends have abandoned me. but my family, they still stick around. yes, they have failed me, they too have abandoned me, but no where else have i found the satisfaction when one of them feels proud. no where else have i seen people break their backs to make sure im fine. their love for me is special. 

2. friends are highly valuable and needed in ones life.

i've been blessed with many good friends that should all be honored for their love. but these girls right here know how to give a girl a good time and pick up a sister in prayer when she needs it. these women, one time or another, have held my heart in their hands and lifted me up to the lord and loved me during the awful times as well as the great ones.

3. break for that tea or coffee. 

i love coffee. and tea. and their warmth in my hand bring me inspiration, energy and joy that i just need throughout my day.

4. a great purse

i love bags. and i love the way a nice vintage, thrifted bag adds a unique touch to any look.

5. and a scarf

i have more scarves than i dare to count, but this h&m scarf is probably one of my favorites. and i love the sassy touch to it.

6. lovely meals.

these pictures say it all. yum!

7. books that reach deeper than mere humans can

excuse the bird droppings please. and yes, these shoes should have made this list too.

i really love to read and i have a large bookshelf to prove it. oh and a bag ready to go to goodwill with a good 30 of them that didn't fit anymore. and this 2011 i have been able to enhance my love for reading by participating in a book club and it has been an amazing blessing to read great books and share them with peers. god has blessed us and united us through our book study.

8. great blogger friends

i've met amazing women through blogging and i have felt so blessed to know an incredible amount of creative, god-loving girls. i met Ana (pictured here) from the recordologist in boston this summer and have begun a great relationship, from a far. but glad to know she is someone to call to. 

9. a nice camera

im really enjoying photographing everything around me. i need to better my skills but it's still fun to always have a camera handy.

10. desire to let go of the old and welcome the new

the lord has been molding me intensely this year. but i think, that finally i am getting closer and closer to letting him take out the old and pour in the new. there is no better feeling than knowing he cares so much for me to make me over.

11. recording random, awkward  videos while everyone is sleeping and trying to whisper through a song... enjoy!

after the rain has gone

the rain showed up this weekend with fervent determination to pour and pour over my town. i have to say i enjoyed it. i spent most of the day saturday with great friends. and as the rain progressed and the day turned into night, i wearied with the added stress of running errands while it rained so hard. but the day's joy picked up once we out-smarted ms. rain with boots to splash on the puddles it left behind. i wouldnt have it any other way, i must add.

and today, there's no rain, for now at least, but what seems like a silent and peaceful sun peeking through the window. calm day as can be. the storm has ceased.

and with the calmness of the day i now sit sipping on coffee. playing with my hair. resminicing on the past few days and activities. and i feel new. refreshed. often tortured  by my desire to be done and changed, quickly. but hopeful to see the effects of a life under god's microscope. and nothing beats that embrace. nothing makes me more secure as a woman than knowing that all my mess ups, tears and bitter words come together for a good purpose. to make me a glorious testimony of his love. and to use me as tool to change this world one person at a time. who knows, which way he'll have it, but as long as jesus is in it, i want it.

and as these moments bring about this new long-awaited transformation, i find more strength to accept the new, more strength to forget the old, and more strength to be brutally honest with others and myself. the brutally honest part still needs adjustment. but this is all a blessed accomplishment leading me to goals i hardly knew i had. thinking of heading back to school. making new music. picking up an instrument. considering future plans. mission trips. development work. yearning to be in the kitchen more. seeking to please my lord and be more like him. and looking forward to that one day  when i'll finallysay we did this. jesus and i.

and with these thoughts, and after long days of rain, i conclude that not every storm carries with it heavy rain and strong winds. some do and when they arrive they come through, do some damage and leave you with a broken structure to rebuild. and in that rebuilding, new and better things are usually brewed. and although that which was broken was loved and often missed, the new that has come is oh so sweet.

soon real soon, i am coming through as sweet as can be.

just cause it rains outside it doesn't mean it has to rain inside.

the rain has not ceased in the sunshine state for the last three days.

and although the day looks gloomy outside, my inside it's just getting brighter.

it's a funny thing how seasons work.

and for that i am grateful.

because my saviour works in and out of season.

he transforms my life from a dark, gloomy winter day to a sun filled, breezy forever.

what more could i ask for.

"Blessed be the name of God forever and ever,
    to whom belong wisdom and might.
²¹ He changes times and seasons;
    he removes kings and sets up kings;
he gives wisdom to the wise
   and knowledge to those who have understanding;
²² he reveals deep and hidden things;
    he knows what is in the darkness,
   and the light dwells with him.
²³To you, O God of my fathers,
    I give thanks and praise,
for you have given me wisdom and might,
   and have now made known to me what we asked of you,
   for you have made known to us the king’s matter."

Daniel 2:20-23

oh, rainy day, i think i like you

it's raining here today. and there's something about rain. that makes you tender, soft-hearted. wanting to stay in bed. under candlelight, reading a good book, listening to a good tune. but instead, this morning, i woke up in the dawn hours to cuddle with my lord. reading his sweet word, letting it caress my heart. encouraging me, assuring me. i've never felt more beautiful than in his loving arms. i've never felt more secure then when his silence whispers he loves me. and today, in my dark room, my heart lit up in silence as i asked him to search me and renew me. he touched me with his mighty hand, but only enough to not consume me. and as the rain fell this morning, i felt his joy. i felt his tears of unconditional love for his people falling over the grass, the pavement, reminding us of his hurting heart, but yet a loving one. as i drove and still lingered on his touch, the rainbow in the sky was right ahead. i drove under it. and the wave of cars could not distract me from the message above me. he loves me, he loves us. he is a big, amazing god, who loves us, and never fails.

reasons why i love my youth group "kids"

they are fashionable

they know how to have fun and understand that being silly, it's ok some times

and they, above all, love Jesus and because of it listen to me share him every Friday

 which is not easy to do

Thanks to all of you for

being wonderful.

You are inspiration to me! 

ps: i'll be in Boston this weekend doing what i love -- singing-- let me know if you are around. would love to meet!

counting your blessings

some times great lessons come in little packages. they are not necessarily nicely wrapped, like an engagement ring that you recognize right away. and sometimes they are not pretty at all or even easy to unwrap. but nonetheless the reward within, it's worth opening. i enjoy getting these little treasures, but unfortunately i dont recognize their worth until ive gone through the process of discovering them. unwrapping them. analyzing them and then truly acknowledging how they've changed me. it's like God intended to make some rewards difficult to attain, because in that difficulty, in that struggle, you pay a price for a reward. and once that price is paid, that thing you worked for, has an unmeasurable price. it's priceless. you've earned it with your work and determination. this weekend i enjoyed one of those little surprises. and it came in the form of a little church, in literally a-whole-in-the-wall. no offense intended. the place was so little, packed with fervent worshipers, lacking proper AC, lacking projectors, appropriate sound equipment and instruments (as perhaps we would assume in comparison to our own church), and using the hallway of the small plaza crowded with businesses as their fellowship hall. of course the service occurred at night, allowing them the liberty to do that. and i was so impressed by the humility these believers showed as they celebrated joyfully their three year anniversary in this same location. and i know their road and struggle has not been easy, but they remain faithful. jp and i were invited to sing and share a moment of worship with them.



but in reality they were the ones to gift me a special moment as i was passed on this little treasure i would call gratitude. and this little  box has just been opened and there's still much more left to unwrap as i reach the true value of this gift. of the ability to be grateful for all things during all circumstances. but also as i learn to count the blessings i have in my life that i dont appreciate enough, like been able to worship God every sunday in ample space with cool air conditioning and no sweat to distract me. and it encouraged me to move forward with what has become a two-week decluterring streak in my room. ive been slowly working my way simplifying and giving away some things. little did i know that boxes and tons of bags later i'd stil be left with too much. "too-much" that i often labeled as not-enough. but this little church shed some light and moved me to see my blessings for what they are worth and share them with those who lack so much.