it's been awhile since i felt as relieved as i did these past few days.
i felt a certain freedom. a certain peace.
i suddenly laughed more. giggled all night at the dinner table with a few friends. i wonder if they wondered as i did about the incessant giggling.
i suddenly felt less awkward and uncomfortable in places. it felt natural to be me. just me.
my heart felt lighter. no bundle of overanalyzed thoughts could seep through. they tried. but i closed that door of overthiking and over judging myself for my over thinking ways. and just.let.it.be.
there's freedom that makes you want to scream to the world. that makes you want to dance in front of a door while you wait for someone to answer. unashamed. there's freedom that let's you over snack for a day or two just cause you can. and the thoughts of why you shouldn't are suppressed. it's not reckless, it's just worry-free enjoyment. for once.
there's joy that just sparkles in your eyes. that takes you to heights that you can only imagine when in the valleys. but then you reach the mountain top and forget all about the path you've walked to get here. it's not that it's intently forgotten, it's just that you choose not to revisit.
a quote i read this week completed this feeling for me:
"freedom is not letting your yesterday affect your today."
everyday that we walk this earth we are a product of our yesterday. somehow or another, the experiences we chose to live or not, form us, build us, make us. but the trick to surviving as we thread this often difficult path, is that we musn't dwell on that yesterday that made us. it's like we must disconnect with the ancestors of the journey and face the newness of the day. it's how we overcome. it's how we are meant to live. free. free from things that were meant to go. and free from the things that where meant to stay. nothing is really ours. not even ourselves.
"who the son sets free is free indeed!"