oh no, not that again!!

when you are my age, it's hard to escape the "are you single?" question.
or the "so are you praying for someone?" question.
or even my dad's desperate chant about having grandkids.
"soon, dad" is not cuting it anymore.
and  although i really try not to think it about it, it finds a way to come out.

this weekend a group of girls celebrated a friend who is getting married this week.
a bachelorrette party if you may.
and well, in the group of about twelve ladies, i was the only single one.
{ill give you this pause to have your moment...}
ok.
so i wasnt too upset about it. really. i thought i would, but i felt pretty good.
content.

{enter your "yeah right's" and "blah blah blah's"}

you see some time ago i would've been feeling bad. desperate.
but these days, im pretty ok with being in this idle moment in terms of a significant person in my life.
i've never really had a lot of romance in my life to begin with,
but in the past i looked at it in the wrong perspective.
{i use the word past very loosely here}
a lot of you out there, have taught me a lot about patience and being still when it comes to a relationship.
and i want to do just that.
dont get me wrong, i do want to be married. i yearn for it. but im done wanting it for the wrong reasons.
and im done wanting to have it my way.
im looking at the bigger picture. achieving a greater purpose through that relationship.
and yeah, in the last months (weeks, perhaps) ive been learning and letting God take over that part of my life.
im surrendering my heart.
and while i do that, i am committed to using this time in service to God. pouring out my love for him through so many areas. youth groups. worship ministry. bible studies. discipleship.
and although waiting and being still means i put on hold my hopes of having my own place, decorating it, growing veggies and eventually having the cutest curly-haired kids, i find that it's worth waiting for.

image from 'yes but no'